Wednesday, August 25, 2010

To Janssen

Dear Janssen: I am so thrilled that you have little Enna, and I just wanted to pass along some wisdom that I've gained in my nearly six years of experience being a parent.


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Wednesday, August 18, 2010


If you don't use citydeals, you are seriously missing out !

It's been around for a long time, we have used it many many times and have always been happy. It's much like groupon (but better since there are several deals available all the time). They mostly have Utah things but recently I noticed a lot of Arizona deals as well.

Today they opened a new deal for JCWs, a yummy burger joint .0001 miles away from my house. I can get a $25 gift certificate for $12.50, booyeah! One thing I really like about citydeals is you have the choice to pick up the certificate or have them shipped to you, they are real certificates not printable vouchers, it makes me feel less cheap when I am giving them as a gift!

Check them out! They have passes to Cherry Hills, Cowabunga Bay, Classic, etc. They also have discounted movie tickets, restaurants, spa services, carpet cleaning, etc. I love citydeals! As always tell them I sent you!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

If you build it, they will come....

I am not a prideful person. I am not an expert on many things. Except maybe on how to simultaneous change two explosion diapers while fending off two dogs. But I digress... I used to be a professional pest control appointment setter. Our products were good and could remedy all sorts of pest problems, like bees, wasps, bedbugs, spiders, and so on. One type of bug though presented a particular problem, fruit flies. See, I don't know about you but I wouldn't want my produce sprayed with pesticide (even more than it already has been). So when people would call with a fruit fly problem there wasn't much I could do for them. Until my good friend Laurie showed me this little contraption...

You get a jar, you put a slice of fruit in there, make a funnel out of paper, put it in the jar and voila - you have a fruit fly death trap. Or a fruit fly catch-and-release trap. Your choice.

Being the bountiful basket consumer that I am, I always have piles of fresh produce on the counter and fruit flies are a major problem. Five minutes after setting up this trap I had caught twenty fruit flies. Hope this little contraption will make the harvest season a more pleasant one for you!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I stand at the door and knock

It must have been quite a spectacle; me in my bathrobe pounding on the front door furiously. Even that alone may not have raised too many eyebrows. It was probably the enthusiastic jig I was doing while pounding on the door, and the terror in my voice as I nervously glanced over my shoulder and starting kicking my heels up higher and higher off the ground. All the while shouting very threatening punishments to my children. "You gall darn good for nothin' kids better open that door this second or you will never see the light of day again! EVER. EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

They had locked me out. It's one thing to lock someone out when they are fully clothed. It's another thing to lock them out when they are fully clothed and in imminent danger.

See, we have a wasp infestation. It's been growing steadily bigger. My can of wasp spray informed me that it is best to spray them at night or early morning when they are less active. These little buggers are crawling into a crack that, I presume, goes up into the attic. At mid-day there are thirty or so hanging out on the eaves, but in the "early morning" or "early evening" they all disappear in to their secret lair.

So I waited till about 8AM and went out, armed with wasp spray. As you know, I am paranoid about everything. So I left the door cracked open so I could sprint back inside to the safety of my home once I had sprayed them with death spray. The tricky thing was that I would have to run right under their nest in order to get back inside.

I was horrified.

The huge nest dwellers were all still inside, but apparently they had set up another camp and there were ten wasps working vigorously on their second home.

I mustered my courage. Ran out, in my bathrobe (with no tie because Ivy uses that as a scarf). So clasping my robe closed with one hand, I shakily rose the can of wasp spray in the other, aimed, and fired! I sprayed for a good five seconds. Then ran like a panther back to my respite.

But no! My security plan of having an open door to fling shut and lock after maddening the wasps somehow got ahead of itself! I was still outside and the door was shut and locked. I very nearly died of heart failure.

It took the kids five minutes to figure out how to unlock the deadbolt. Five minutes. If I didn't have such good aim with wasp spray I would totally be dead right now. And it would have totally been their fault. I hope someone would tell them that as they mourned my loss. That while they sat there laughing and pointing - thinking that my dance was just a silly antic to bring them entertainment- that I was actually being stung to death by angry wasps. I would want them to know that they were that naughty.

Kids. Psh.

P.S. Despite their naughtiness, I still love them. And if I die at their hand, don't really tell them; rather just emphasize that good behavior can, at times, be a matter of life and death.

Friday, August 6, 2010


I know a great deal when I see one!

This is not one.
That's 0.43% off folks!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Troublesome Thyroids

As most of you know, I embrace technology. I am always online; paying bills, booking hotel rooms, reading reviews, and so on. I recently learned that now I can deposit a check via my iphone. Deposit a check! Pretty soon I will be a recluse. Cashing checks was one of the few things left that made me go out in to the real world.

But one technology I have not embraced is texting. I mean...emailing is easier, cheaper, faster, etc. A phone call relays the message more quickly and is more personal. We all know I hate the phone, but for a while I would rather call someone than use my thumbs and the cumbersome numerical keyboard to communicate with people.

Not to mention I think people who texts while driving are moronic idiots who should be banned from the planet. [Really I think I am going to die in a crash where the other driver was texting because I feel really really fiery about this issue. It's personal people, use your brain, it's my life..your dang texting can wait]

But! Everyone in the entire world communicates almost exclusively by texting. So...I ordered 200 texts a month. But pretty soon I learned that wasn't enough if I am to maintain friendships, serve in my church, manage my Texas property and pretty much to simply live my life. So last month I upped it up to 1500 texts a month.

Not one day in to my new found freedom to text at will (except while driving, obviously), I was able to recall another reason that I hate texting. You may recall that I also hate proofreading, and not proofreading + texting turns out to be a potent combination for disaster. And though it isn't nearly as hilarious as what happened to Kate, Lately. Here was my recent texting debacle.

I was texting my renters and trying to ask them about our garage door (which incidentally collapsed it normal to have to spend hundreds of dollars on a garage door every few months? Mercy me)

I was trying to text this...

"Is the garage door working better? That door is nothing but trouble!"

My renter normal texts back after a few moments but about after an hour I went back and reread my text, which read...

"Is the sage door working better? Thyroid is nothin but trouble!"

Me "..."

What the heck were they supposed to respond to that?

I hate texting. Have I mentioned that?