A couple of days ago I did some thinking and decided that I would like to become a career woman. Ideally Blaine would quit his job and be a stay at home Dad and I would be the one bringing home the bacon. Unconventional I know, but really it taps both of our talents*. He is a talented Dad, I am a talented** career woman. Plus I already do most of the driving so it's not like people don't think we're weird anyways.
The only problem is that with my Sociology degree I can't really get the kind of jobs that make the kind of money that our lifestyle necessitates, seeing how we like to eat and stuff. So this whole scheme requires that I go back to school. From what I can figure the only way I can make enough money to feed all of the little mouths around here is if I go to nursing school***.
I did some rough calculations and it will only take us 16 years to save the $16,000 I will need to complete a second bachelors degree in nursing. Which kind of stinks because then the kids will be all raised by the time I get to start my career womanhood and Blaine will get to be a stay-at-home dad when there is no one to stay at home with, totally not fair.
So that combined with my aversion to bodily fluids has got me considering other methods of making money. We all know the photography thing isn't going to work. At least not until I get my hands on an expensive camera, and poets don't get famous until they're dead, so that's no good either. Plus most of the time I enjoy being a stay at home mom, so I've got to think of something else.
The way I see it I have no choice but to blog professionally.
I hear people like Pioneer Woman and even TAMN pull in thousands of dollars a month, all by simply blogging. So, this blog needs to transform into a money making machine. Quickly****, if that's at all possible.
Now, I think PW gets about 11 billion hits a day, and right now I get about 65. So I have a bit of work to do. After many hours spent studying my google analytics and sitemeter accounts and reading literature on the subject, I have devised a four step plan to make this blog skyrocket to stardom...
Step 1: Either bare a child or post about silverware on a daily basis. The number of people visiting the blog at least doubles on those days. The day after I had Ivy I got 160 hits! My second highest hit day? Yesterday, when I posted about silverware being loaded into a dishwasher properly. This leaves me no choice but to continue procreating at a rabbitual pace to keep my page hits high. It won't be easy, but once the children are born I get to be a career woman and lock myself in the office***** and Blaine will be doing the raising of the offspring, so it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
Step 2: Must start proofreading. I absolutely loathe proofreading. I loathe all things that remind me of school and work, so this one will be a toughie. But as I reread past entries it is glaringly obvious that I got improper grammar; punctuation; and poor speling. Blaine says it's endearing. I don't know though.
Step 3: Must inundate readers with ads. Sorry about this, but Janssen is pulling in about $4.00/year with her google ads. Multiple streams of income, that's what it's all about.
Step 4: Must befriend famous bloggers. I've got to get on the radar of the likes of P-dub, Nie-Nie, etc. So please leave witty comments on their blogs while signed in as me on blogger. Thanks.
Oh and it would totally help if you could focus a good portion of your own blog posts around me and how awesome my blog is and stuff like that, links included. Sure appreciate it.
I guess I should also consider the connections I already have too. I am pretty tight with a famous columnist. Jody Genessy of the Deseret News...TOTALLY my cousin. Maybe he can somehow help make me famous. Though I would maybe have to start blogging about sports more often...meh, okay. And that is officially my only connection. Dang.
And if I am to be famous like PW I am going to have to start considering Swiper one of my official "offspring" and take his picture and start finding him endearing and all that. Not to mention start taking pictures of the food I make. So I guess the professional photography thing kind of goes hand in hand with being a professional blogger, fannnnntastic. And I would probably have to host my own site which already kills the profit I plan to make from google ads.
Kind of makes the professional blogging thing not really an option either, sigh. Goodbye sand and water table. I guess I will just have to stick to dumpster diving, cereal gambling and garage sale rummaging******.
*Seriously, Blaine is the best Dad EVER, and I am seriously such a fast typer. But really... Blaine's talents are totally wasted on him being an engineer. He's good at that too, but he would be an excellent teacher, or stay at home Dad.
**Based solely on my typing speed.
***Not nursing nursing school, I've already got that down, plus that only feeds one mouth.... Get it "nursing" school....mouths to feed...nursing babies...bwahahaha. Okay, no more blogging at 1 AM.
**** There is a really cool sand and water table on sale at www.samsclub.com and I need to earn enough to buy it before it goes off sale ($52- shipped!)
*****Assuming I make enough to buy a house that has an office
******Remember that Kelty backpack carrier? You know, the one I paid twenty dollars for? Selling it to someone on craigslist for $80. Kaching!