There is safety in numbers. I bet you always just took that to mean that when in a group of people you are safe when you are, say, walking down a dark street at night or something. I propose, however, that the majority of people also believe that there is safety in numbers, as in statistics.
As soon as someone hears about my fear of flying they spout off numbers, like how I am three times more likely to die while flossing my teeth or whatever. Blaine finds safety in so many numbers. What are the odds that a tornado will occur in our city, and if it does-- what are the odds that it will track over our neighborhood, and if it does that then what are the odds that it will actually b-line over our house? He is so comforted by that.
I, on the other hand, am not. I figure if there is a one in a million chance, I might as well be the one. Usually I think that more about the bad stuff (airline disasters, rare diseases, tornadoes, etc.), as opposed to winning the lottery. Speaking of did you hear about the girl who got struck by lightning and then, the day she got out of the hospital, won the lottery? Well, "win" is used loosely, she won $20 in the lottery, but still. The odds of that happening are very slim.
But to the "one" who beats the odds, who makes most statistics "99.9%" as opposed to a clean 100% life can be very surprising, sometimes in good ways and sometimes in bad.So even though I expect to beat the odds for most bad things, I never anticipated beating the odds on this. A certain product faithfully used in this household claims that there was only a .01% chance of this...
happening. In fact if you add that to the fact that I am nursing, it makes that chance even smaller. Added to the fact that I have not had a period since 2006 and it is even less likely. Add all that to the fact that it took a year of trying and some medication to get lil' Bentley, and I'd say I pretty well ought to go out and by myself a lottery ticket!
This is not a joke. This was not in the plan. This has knocked me off of my feet. I don't feel ready. I don't feel able. I don't know if I am up to the challenge, since it is, indeed, a lifelong challenge.
So....here's to vomiting, and here's to backaches, and here's to vomiting again, and sleepless nights, and so on and so forth...and at the end of this very long and dark path hopefully there will be a beautiful little light at the end of the tunnel....so here is to a new little Bassett, new little toes, new smiles and laughs, and a lifetime of memories, and I am sure happiness beyond measure.
It is going to take time to wrap my mind around this whole thing, but my list of "pros" is getting slightly longer and I am finding my eternal list of "cons" shrinking rapidly.
There have been tender mercies like the miraculous weight loss of 08. It took two and a half years to lose those stubborn last 30lbs with Gwen (yes, I know I said 30lbs and that most of you don't gain even that much throughout an entire pregnancy, shush), but it came off better with Bentley and I think Heavenly Father must have known that would help me (as lame as that sounds) accept this new challenge.
I know it sounds weird to think of pregnancy as a trial especially when so many out there are wishing and praying for it every day, and when so many others face such more insurmountable trials. I am not naive to the fact that there are so many heartaches happening right now, which made me feel so guilty that I had a hard time accepting this, but to be honest I did. And it is going to take some hashing out of feelings and some more nights crying in my pillow before I can embrace the situation, but embrace it I will, I am confident. Soon enough. It may be about four, or five, or twenty years from now, but I know this will be worth it in the end. Kind of funny, I had to teach a lesson this last week on eternal perspective. Poetic justice.
So, mark the date, February 7, 2009 (Happy Anniversary Stef!) and pray for the little duker. He can't be getting much nourishment with me eating only bread and Bentley still nursing, but man, if anyone has a will to survive, he does : ) ( I say he, but I really mean she, because I am confident it will be a girl)
And I know this is like, super duper early to be telling people. I know, but the way I see it, if something awful happens I will need y'alls support, so why not let you in while everything is going well, so you can celebrate with me (or uh watch my kids while I am too sick to see straight) right?
So, that's a wrap. Go out there and beat the odds, be the .01%, it makes you feel kind of victorious, in a severely nauseating kind of way. :)
P.S. I bet your husbands were not nearly so surprised about their father's day gifts as Blaine was....I captured it on film and if I ever figure out how to put stuff on youtube, you will most certainly be able to see it!