Janssen was harrassing me this morning about not posting on my blog. Alright, mostly she just casually mentioned that I hadn't posted in a while, it's me who has been harassing myself about it.
The thing is, something happened. My world got rocked two weeks ago, and when I sit down and try to post something trivial or humorous or anything really it just feels fake. What happened is always on the forefront of my mind. Even when I start thinking about something else for a while I get snapped back to the reality, seriousness and gravity of that day. And that is when it becomes hard to breathe. Hard to eat. Hard to sleep.
It's not a story I am proud to share, excited to share, or that I am even willing to share (especially not in blog form).
Suffice it to say that I made a mistake and that mistake very, very easily could have cost Ivy her life. In fact. It should have cost that.
Though I am not up for going into the details and specifics, there are a few valuable lessons that I feel like I must share.
First, I know, more than I know anything, that miracles happen and that God has His hand in our lives. He is in control of everything. If it were not true Ivy would not be alive today. I was not deserving of a miracle, but I was granted one, I witnessed one. I lived one. And I feel like I need to share that with the world. Not only that I need to, I WANT to. I want to shout it from the rooftops. God lives!
Secondly, accidents and bad things happen. We all know that; we all know that I know that! But even still with all of my paranois, preparation and carefulness an accident still did happen. It can happen to anyone easily, even if you are careful. It only takes one time. One mistake. One moment when your mind is on something else and that moment can rock your world and change your life forever.
I have been blessed to feel gratitude. The moments of self accusation are few, the moments of self doubt are few. They are there, and when they hit they are more searing than anything I have ever felt; those moments are dark and terrifying. But I have been blessed with overwhelming sense of gratitude and that is the dominant emotion, and luckily gratitude is a warm, happy, good feeling. It's a testimony boosting, motivating, wonderful emotion. So I am grateful for that.
I apologize for being vague, but I felt I owe you an explanation for my absence in the blogosphere.
But fun posts are in the works--- I sat on a tube of sunscreen halfway through our drive to Utah and spent the rest of the trip in UV protected, slippery, coconut smelling jeans. Blaine's new office mate takes naps during lunch break on an actual cot in his office (am I the only person who finds that really funny? And resourceful!).
So don't give up on me just yet.
Oh and also go and give your kids a hug. My whole life has changed now that I know that Ivy is living on borrowed time, but the thing is, we all are. We're not promised anything and as wonderful and happy as things are now, things can change in an instant. Go on...get off the computer...play with your kids.
The thing is, something happened. My world got rocked two weeks ago, and when I sit down and try to post something trivial or humorous or anything really it just feels fake. What happened is always on the forefront of my mind. Even when I start thinking about something else for a while I get snapped back to the reality, seriousness and gravity of that day. And that is when it becomes hard to breathe. Hard to eat. Hard to sleep.
It's not a story I am proud to share, excited to share, or that I am even willing to share (especially not in blog form).
Suffice it to say that I made a mistake and that mistake very, very easily could have cost Ivy her life. In fact. It should have cost that.
Though I am not up for going into the details and specifics, there are a few valuable lessons that I feel like I must share.
First, I know, more than I know anything, that miracles happen and that God has His hand in our lives. He is in control of everything. If it were not true Ivy would not be alive today. I was not deserving of a miracle, but I was granted one, I witnessed one. I lived one. And I feel like I need to share that with the world. Not only that I need to, I WANT to. I want to shout it from the rooftops. God lives!
Secondly, accidents and bad things happen. We all know that; we all know that I know that! But even still with all of my paranois, preparation and carefulness an accident still did happen. It can happen to anyone easily, even if you are careful. It only takes one time. One mistake. One moment when your mind is on something else and that moment can rock your world and change your life forever.
I have been blessed to feel gratitude. The moments of self accusation are few, the moments of self doubt are few. They are there, and when they hit they are more searing than anything I have ever felt; those moments are dark and terrifying. But I have been blessed with overwhelming sense of gratitude and that is the dominant emotion, and luckily gratitude is a warm, happy, good feeling. It's a testimony boosting, motivating, wonderful emotion. So I am grateful for that.
I apologize for being vague, but I felt I owe you an explanation for my absence in the blogosphere.
But fun posts are in the works--- I sat on a tube of sunscreen halfway through our drive to Utah and spent the rest of the trip in UV protected, slippery, coconut smelling jeans. Blaine's new office mate takes naps during lunch break on an actual cot in his office (am I the only person who finds that really funny? And resourceful!).
So don't give up on me just yet.
Oh and also go and give your kids a hug. My whole life has changed now that I know that Ivy is living on borrowed time, but the thing is, we all are. We're not promised anything and as wonderful and happy as things are now, things can change in an instant. Go on...get off the computer...play with your kids.
11 comments:
Beautiful post. Thank God for the events that re-prioritize our lives and help us remember they are definitely worth living.
Thanks for the reminder, I am glad she is OK, no one is ever the same after something like this... Hmm I am going to go play with my kids, or maybe sit on a chair and watch my kids play since I can barely walk:)
I also had an experience with Emma right after the boys were born, and I have only shared it with a few people. It was one of those things that happened, could have turned out so differently, and I don't want to revisit it or the what-ifs of that day. I do appreciate you sharing the lessons you learned from your experience. Those things mean a lot. I am going to play with my kid now.
It's scary the things that can happen, even when we're trying everything we can to be the best parents. I've experienced a few of those in the past several years, and they become a long-lasting reminder of what is most important to me. I'm glad Ivy is okay. Let me know when you're all settled -- I'd love to get together and catch up!
Kristy-I am so glad that Ivy is okay. My heart aches for you. Just reading what you have shared I can only imagine how it felt, and still feels.
I have had my share of mistakes and I also know that God is in control.
Thanks for sharing.
P.S. My kids are napping Ü
I'll bet every Mom has had at least one Experience, I know I have and probably, through the years at least one per child.
We're all grateful to Heavenly Father for the preservation of Ivy. Some experiences don't turn out as happily as this one. I know Heavenly Father was watching over IVY, there is no other possible explanation and I know He loves and is watching over you too.
Ditto Ditto, I thought of this when I read this,.....http://www.tonyrobbins.com/Marketing/Mothersday/mothersDay.html#ec=135534
What a powerful message. I'm glad things are ok. I'm glad God is in our lives. I'm glad we get second chances. Thanks for sharing.
Martha Marchena (Gerber)
Hey-ya, Kristi. I love you, too.
I'm glad to hear Ivy is o.k. and that you're healing from this experience too. Are you in Utah now then? Where?
Post a Comment