iphoney

Have I mentioned that my phone got washed? As in went-through-an-entire-cycle-of-our-washing-machine washed?

It was sweet really. I was having a hard day and heading out the door and teasingly said to Blaine, "you better finish doing all of our laundry while I am gone." Which was really a joke because I had just done all of our laundry. But good ol' Blaine, he found the clothes I had just changed out of as well as a whole bunch of clothes in a laundry basket (which I had just gotten out of the drier but hadn't folded, but I digress...) to wash.

Unfortunately my phone was in my pants. On the good word of the entire facebook population, I put the phone in a bag of rice and let it sit for several days. But it was too far gone and when I tried to turn it back on it let out a few courtesy vibrations and a couple flashes and then died once and for all.

So I've been searching for a new phone. I've always gotten the basic model. I don't text or do anything fancy. But getting a new phone would commit me to it for TWO years, that's a long time!

And Blaine's dad has this really awesome iphone

and

and

and

internet EVERYWHERE I GO! Google maps right at my finger tips! Plus you just push a button and say "call Ralphie" and it does it. Who wouldn't want that?

Well, I still didn't particularly care but happened to be looking at the att website the other day and navigated away to another page when from across the room Blaine squeeled (screeched? yelled? bellowed?) "WAAAAAIIIIIIIT, GO BACK! WHAT WAS THAT...GO BACKKKKKKK"

and back I went.

He had seen over my shoulder that the iphone now has a "rhapsody" app.

and oh my, even I could hear the hallelujah chorus going in Blaine's mind.

It's like his dream, his number one fantasy, has come true!

All of his music, his phone, everything, on one device.

He had to have it. He simply just HAD to have it.

He was willing to get a second job, donate plasma, sell vital organs, ANYTHING to get his hands on this iphone.

And I can respect that, I really can. He doesn't ask for much in life, and have you seen the guys CD collection? I am confident he is musics biggest fan.

So I came up with a plan! A foolproof, happy, wonderful, amazing plan!

See his birthday is coming up in eleven days. So my plan was to tell him that we had to wait until Christmas to get iphones...make sure a few more rent checks clear... get settled in our new place... save some money... blah blah blah.

Then for his birthday I was going to buy some "fake" presents. You know...nice sweater, pocket protectors, corn nuts, the usual.

Then late at night when he thought it was just another birthday, just like every. other. birthday. I would pull out a cute little white package. His eyes would light up like fire. He'd unwrap it and suddenly not only would it be the best birthday EVER, but it would be the best day of his entire life.

And I would instantly become the best wife ever.

It was so perfect! So amazingly perfect.

He is always doing creative, fun, surprising stuff for our anniversary and I am always handing him new tube socks wrapped in wal-mart grocery sacks for all of his special occasions. It's embarrassing really.

So this was perfect!

But GOODnight. The guy would not stop talking about this stinking iphone. It was consuming his every thought. His every waking and sleeping moment was pure torture simply because the world's best gadget existed and he didn't have it.

On our drive up to the mountains yesterday I was like, "so... I've been doing a lot of thinking and" then he interrupted "AND WE SHOULD STOP AT THE ATT STORE RIGHT NOW AND GET MATCHING IPHONES!" to which I scoffed and said, "um no. I'm thinking we should wait till Christmas to get our iphones".

And then it was like world ended. I can only think of like two times I have ever seen him more distraught. Seriously, the blood drained from his face, he put his head in his hands and faintly whimpered, "really?".

And then during the whole campout it was like

"oh man, we are lost, if I had an iphone I could figure out where we are"
"if I only had an iphone I could be writing you love poetry RIGHT NOW"
"if I had an iphone we could watch LOST in the middle of the night while we are camping"
"if I had an iphone we could find better firewood"
"if I had an iphone there would be WORLD PEACE, would you deny the world of world peace? Really, WOULD YOU?"

and it persisted on and on until today I finally just belted out my secret.

And there will be no best birthday ever.

Because he ruined it.

But wasn't that such an awesome idea I had?

Please, validate me : )