Thursday, January 10, 2008

I knead help!

Do you ever feel like if you would have been born in the olden days you would have died because you didn't know how to do simple things like, say, make bread? You know the stuff of life. I feel that way because I can't even make bread with an oven and a bosch. How would I have made it with a rock and a fire?

Christmas 2006 Blaine's parents were so generous and bought us an almighty Bosch. I felt totally undeserving since I had never really made bread. I was excited to learn though so I set to work the next week making whole wheat bread. Totally FAILURE! I can't remember exactly how this particular loaf failed, but it was so traumatic that I didn't ever want to make bread again. For my in-laws sake I will note that I do love the Bosch, but I only use it to make cookies and the blender for blending stuff. For Christmas this year I decided to make orange rolls, I used the bosch for that and they turned out all right. With this renewed confidence I decided I was going to start making my own bread (I start to sound more and more like a granola every day....still totally 100% sure about always getting an epidural though, don't worry).

What a mess! First off I accidentally put in regular old white sugar when I was supposed to use brown. I was discouraged but I thought "sugar is sugar" and kept plugging away at the recipe. I let it rise about twice as long as it said but it didn't even get close to doubling in size. I tasted a little bit of the dough and it tasted like a salt cube. I decided to bake it anyways, maybe something magical would happen in the oven. Well, something magical did happen, it rose--- it rose so much that it started cooking on the heating element of my oven. So now I had a burnt salt lick.

I was so confident in my bread making skills that I didn't even buy bread last week at the store. Now what will my PBJ addict eat for lunch this week. Luckily the bread makes an excellent football, and if we ever get horses I can save tons of money on salt licks.

You have to understand, besides the whole sugar thing I followed the recipe to a T. This was a recipe reviewed by 200 people on www.allrecipes.com, it had FIVE stars! I still messed it up.

My bread making ego has been shattered, but I really want to have bread making be my thing. I am working up the courage to try again.. anyone (ahem...Alison C.) have any EASY FOOL-PROOF, even a zombie with no brain could not mess this up, bread recipes? I really need a good recipe because if I fail three times in a row...I may not be able to get back on the saddle again.

Orange rolls anyone?

P.S. I promise a happy positive uplifting post soon :)

8 comments:

Erin said...

Hey Kristi, this is Erin Pettingill from the old 172nd ward, if you remember me at all. I found your blog through Jen Luccion and I think you are so hilarious. I love your blog. I too have never been able to make bread successfully but one thing that my mom has told me to make sure of is that your yeast is good quality yeast. I had what I thought was good yeast in our house but I could never get anything to work. My mom finally gave me some of her yeast that was pretty new to her and all of a sudden my rolls were rising how they should. So check your yeast and make sure you dissolve it in warm water before you add it to everything else. If you remember who I am and want to take a look at my blog its pettingillspage.blogspot.com. Again, I just found your blog but you are such an entertaining writer. Keep it up!!

Ralphie said...

I have a delicious melt in your mouth white bread recipe. Wheat bread scares me. Mostly because it's a little bit trickier to get the right consistency and not have a "salt rock" on your hands. And white bread to me is... pretty much like eating candy.

Alison K. said...

don't give up....the only advice i have is never add your salt directly to the water/yeast mixture, it kills the yeast. I didn't get really good at making bread until i made it every week.

never fear... if you don't get the hang of it you can always order some from The Backdoor Bakery!! Delivered fresh to your door every tuesday!!!

Strong Family - said...

Hey Kristi! I have a really, really easy recipe from my mother-in-law that makes 4 loaves of white bread. Let me know if you want it and I'll email it to you. (Side note...I have only made it a few times since I've been married. I do not bake all my own bread, although it's a nice thought for someday!) I'm also very interested to hear the rest of your prison story. Let me know if you need me to watch your kids while your in jail! I will not be making them bread though.

Sheyenne said...

No help here. I have absolutely no desire to make bread at any point in my lifetime. It's not even a nice thought to me. And I'm pretty sure that's why God didn't send me to Earth in the pioneer days, because I would have DIED.

Sheyenne said...

Oh, and crackers. That's what you use when you don't have bread. Tell them you're having a tea party and those are the petite little sandwiches that real ladies like to have at tea time. Or cocoa time, since you're Mormon. Whatever. Do little Mormon girls have "tea parties?" I never was a little Mormon girl, so I really don't know. Okay, done rambling.... (But seriously, I really do want to know.) Okay, NOW I'm done.

Jen and Beth said...

I'll ask my sister. She makes bread in her Bosch all the time and it's great! I will get the recipe for sure and send it to you.

Shauna said...

I love this recipe for whole wheat bread. I doesn't have to rise forever, and it tastes good. Give it a shot. If I can do it, anyone can, so keep perservering.

http://www.recipezaar.com/109390

Best of luck.