Thursday, March 27, 2008

Kentucky Blues

So, the thing about edging your lawn with a steak knife is that it takes a really really long time. It's not just that either; because it takes such a long time you are way more susceptible to fire ant bites (they're baaaaaack). And also you can't help but notice that the neighbors are snickering behind your back. Oh, and it ruins your steak knife.

What's that you say? You're not supposed to edge your lawn with a steak knife? An edger.....oh, like that edger we have that cost us a hundred dollars last year and doesn't do a dang thing? Right. Tried that.

Nearly chopped off my toe, scratched my car and electrocuted myself all at the same time. All that and it didn't even edge the lawn.

The thing about Texas grass is that it grows sideways. I don't get it either, it has these runners that shoot out sideways instead of roots that go downwards. I have to apologize here if I am embarrassing any of my horticulturist friends. I don't know the appropriate terms....

I learned that Texas grows sideways last year when I attempted to edge the lawn with scissors. There were a ton of weed looking things hanging over the sidewalk. I grabbed one and yanked on it. It kept going and going and in the end it was about ten feet long and somehow by pulling that out it unraveled my lawn. It was weird.

So because it grows sideways and we haven't edged it in like six months it was kind of a tough process; and one that must have been pretty comical to watch.

All in all I think our lawn looks worse than before and I am short a steak knife. The neighbors all pay the professionals $60 a month to care for their lawns. They show up with ten guys, four lawn mowers and three edgers all loaded in a pickup, jump out, and have the lawn looking gorgeous in less than five minutes.

I am the kind of person that makes their milk last by adding powdered milk. Those kind of people do not pay other people to mow their lawn. Ever.

Moral of the story? Not quite sure. Except I guess maybe to buy a nice edger, or lots of really cheap steak knives. Or if you have extra money laying around maybe pay the big bucks to have the pick-up truck guys come. OR live somewhere where the grass isn't thicker than metal. It's up to you.


kateworthi said...

We have lawn woes too. I was willing to blame it on every other reason, but us just doing it. But I have decided now, that we are just retared, non-green-thumb-having kind of people. And I'm okay with that. Because I'm not as bad as the powedered milk thing, but yes, I am super cheap - and refuse to pay someone to take care of my lawn for me. I say, invest in a more expensive steak knife- that should help.... :)

TheMoncurs said...

Ugh, you speak of crabgrass. Which is currently taking over my backyard. Even worse than edging crabgrass? Is trying to get rid of it.

Ralphie said...

Quite possibly one of your best posts. I laughed. I cried. It moved me.

Sheyenne said...

Kristi- YOU- are funny. And seriously, come over to my house and you can borrow my weed eater/edger that works just great. Or, call me next time you edge with a steak knife because that's something I'd like to watch.

Shauna said...

As much as I cursed St. Augustine grass, I kind of miss it sometimes now. Cause when you mow and edge the stuff, it looks really sharp, don't you think? It kind of looks like a crew cut, with these perfect edges and flat top. Of course I never edged my St. Augustine with a steak knife. Admittedly, that may not look quite as good as if you were to use an edger. We didn't even own an edger 'til we moved to Texas and realized that if we didn't get a good one, our sidewalk would turn into lawn from all the runners shooting across. Now we have this soft little docile grass that feels really soft to walk on and that doesn't contain several hundred armies of man-eating fire ants. Such a boring life we lead. Next time you use a steak knife on your lawn, please, PLEASE video the process so we can all watch the fun. Please.

Gretchen said...

My sister the horticulturist has pointed out that one benefit of St.Augustine grass is that you don't have to put that really thick plastic or really deep edging between your lawn and any beds because the grass doesn't spread underground. As long as you keep edging it on top, you're good!