Sunday, November 30, 2008

Neverland


The other night I was at Young Women in Excellence and an awesome talk was given by a sister in our ward. I enjoyed it so much and started thinking back and realized I also really enjoyed the talk this same sister gave at stake conference, and also the lesson she had given at enrichment a few weeks earlier. I full blownly admire this sister in our ward. I caught myself thinking, " I want to be like her when I grow up" and then, for the first time in my life, I realized that I AM grown up. And I had a little freak out.

Blaine also pointed out today that my strong desire to remain youthful crossed into absurdity when the last time I went to the store I bought Teen Spirit deodorant. To me, Teen Spirit, is still the epitome of cool. I mean, who doesn't want to smell like "pink crush" you know? I'd rather that than "powder fresh" or whatever old people deodorant smells like. I can see why Matthew McCounaghey just gave up on the whole thing all together.

Also a couple of months ago when my neighbor came and Mary Kayed me up she was showing me the different products. I was asking her about the moisturizer and cleaning products line that they have targeted for teens. She squinted her eyes, peered into my face and just said, "oh no, you're going to want the anti-aging formula". Anti-aging? Me? What?

Not sure when it happened, but I got old. I know, at twenty six it is not like I am laying on my death bed or anything, but still...I am running out of time to become the person I always thought I would somehow get around to being. I'm not the young mom in the ward anymore. I have a full blown family....soon to be even bigger than it already is. I've got stretchmarks, backaches, a mini-van and I am worried about triglycerides. Lame.

When do you cross the line from every year being excited about getting older to wanting to crawl into a rock at the idea that another year has passed by and you are creeping closer and closer to being a certain age that you distinctly remember thinking was really really old when you were younger. Thi....thir.....thirty. I can't even say it, it's disgraceful.

My mom had me when she was thirty eight and I remember feeling like I had the most ancient mother around (she will, no doubt, agree as I was quite vocal about the whole thing), but really, now I find myself arguing that thirty eight....wow, that's pretty young! You know? Definitely still in the prime of life.

Anyway. I'm getting older. I'm not who I want to be yet and all of the sudden I feel like I am running out of time. When am I going to learn to paint the walls in my house? To spend hours and hours volunteering? To go to Hawaii? And most importantly - to be someone that someone looks up to?

Well, until I can sort this all out I am going to continue wearing Teen Spirit, being the silly one at Young Women's, dancing to the HSM soundtrack and so on. And in the meantime, if you have any good ideas for a fast track to becoming someone really amazing, please let me know.

12 comments:

Andrea L. said...

Oh Kristi - you are already there! You are amazing and I am sure there are many people who look up to you and want to be like you. You are still young too! Wait until you hit that THIRTY! Yikes, it comes quick, and then there is 31, 32, 33,...and so on. You should probably get some Malibu Musk to wear with your Teen Spirit deoderant! :) Oh, the good old days.

Janey said...

Um, Kris...hello...don't you realize that all the little teenage girls you hang out with at YW in Excellence think that you are the coolest person around because you still do dance around with them rather than trying to be some boring old lady (okay, the old ladies are cool too, but not as cool as the leaders that dance around.) No worries, that deoderant is bound to keep you young!

TheMoncurs said...

I love this post!

I use some anti-aging products. I started wearing men's deodorant after I got married (it's clear!). I also still wash with Neutrogena and shop in the junior's section and say "like" a lot. I kind of feel like I've got feet in both camps.

The funny thing is I recently realized that, at 23, I think I'm who I've always wanted to be when I grew up. I may not be doing exactly what I thought I'd be doing (where's the world travel I dreamt of?), but I'm who I had hoped I would be. It's probably fleeting and I may fall apart on myself whenever I add another child to the mix, but right now: I like me and where I am in life.

And you're awesome. I totally look up to you. I'd like to be like you when I'm 26.

(minus the dogs)

McCulloch Family said...

Back in the olden days, when I was your age, I had a mini-freak out session, this year when I turned 30 :) I had a bigger freak-out session... however, in my years and years of wisdom, I realized that age is a state of mind and life is what you make it, no matter what the circumstances. I'd lose the teen spirit only because I've been an old lady since I was a teen and have always only used Powder Fresh, Secret (!!!) :)
There. I said it. I am 30. I WEAR POWDER FRESH SECRET.I have WRINKLES. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Thanks for the personal freak out over here!!

Luckily, I still "dance" - as much as I ever "could" (it's like Elaine from Seinfeld - scary!)...and know all the words to every HSM and Camp Rock, Hannah Montana and all of the other goodies thanks to Katelynne :) WHEW!!!

Gretchen said...

I know some women pull it off, but I don't think I can be the person I wanted to grow up to be until I'm not wiping snotty noses. Small children are just not conducive to my ideals, so I guess it's just not my "season"... I guess I'll just be glad I get more time to practice.

A couple weeks ago, I sold my snowboard and once it was actually final, I cried. I felt so old and lame. But then I was okay because I know that deep down inside I will always be a 17 year old... married to a 40 year old. ;)

Gretchen said...

PS - I was horribly disappointed at your lack of a "Smells Like Teen Spirit" reference. As soon as I saw the photo at the top, that's all I could think about. Gotta give Nirvana a little love, girl...

(Obviously I am still living in 1993.)

Janssen said...

Kayla's comment about the dogs made my day.

Also, HSM is pretty much the height of coolness - don't let anyone tell you differently!

And if the role model in question is Sara, I'm right there with you. I SO want to be her when I grow up.

Jennifer said...

OK, I must be an old Lady because I have no idea what HSM is and everyone else seems too. Oh wait, I think I just figured it out (High School Musical??) Anyway, don't be complaining about being old to me, I've got you beat by a long shot and yes,I feel super old. I'm just trying to remind myself that 40 is the new 30 and that I still have a few years until then so, I'm actually still a ways away from the prime of my life. Anyway, for the record I think you're pretty cool and if I were you I'd hold on to my youth as long as I can. Wear that Teen Spirit girl!

Shauna said...

I had a hard time turning 30 until my husband said to me, "What exactly are you going to miss about your 20's? You were pregnant or nursing for much of them. You had three little kids and post-partum depression. You had 2 thyroid surgeries and a son with cancer. Your 30's are going to ROCK in comparison." And he's actually been right on the money. :) So, have hope. 30 is the new 20. That's my motto. It's a good one, too. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

haley said...

I turned 29 this year, and everytime someone asks me how old I am, I say "28. No wait, I think I am 29." And then I stand there like a first grader counting up the years on my fingers. Your mind goes so early. Maybe it comes with the three kids. I don't feel "grown up" either. I wonder if I ever will.

Sheyenne said...

Kristi,
I had a freak out like that when I was 25, and then when I was 28. 25 was because I was old enough to get a rate drop in my car insurance which = old and responsible enough not to be wild anymore, and 28 was because it was my 10 year high school reunion (even though I didn't attend). After working through my freakouts and doing some serious and lengthy self-evaluation, I realized that I am where I need to be and doing what I need to be doing and that I needed to enjoy the moment. Enjoying your family and taking in and appreciating where you are at is the most important skill to have in life, if you ask me. When I do that I am more happy/proud/satisfied than at any other time. I've volunteered and painted the walls and been to Hawaii, and those things are nice, and I hope that some people look up to me(at least I know that my kids and little sister does). That's cool, but it's not where it's all at. Don't overshoot the mark. You're awesome and unique as you are, and you've got 2 little ones who for sure look up to you and think the world revolves around you. That's where it's at baby.

Kathrin Paul said...

I look up to you. I mean, not literally because you are one of the people that I know that may be shorter than me (I have you by at least one or two inches) but I definitely think you are really cool. I wouldn't sweat it (ps teen spirit was soo funny) because I know a lot of people who think you are really neat. Here's my advice for the fast track: don't change. That doesn't mean to stay preggers forever because I hear it's not always awesome, but just be you. The twenty-six head.