Sunday, November 30, 2008
The other night I was at Young Women in Excellence and an awesome talk was given by a sister in our ward. I enjoyed it so much and started thinking back and realized I also really enjoyed the talk this same sister gave at stake conference, and also the lesson she had given at enrichment a few weeks earlier. I full blownly admire this sister in our ward. I caught myself thinking, " I want to be like her when I grow up" and then, for the first time in my life, I realized that I AM grown up. And I had a little freak out.
Blaine also pointed out today that my strong desire to remain youthful crossed into absurdity when the last time I went to the store I bought Teen Spirit deodorant. To me, Teen Spirit, is still the epitome of cool. I mean, who doesn't want to smell like "pink crush" you know? I'd rather that than "powder fresh" or whatever old people deodorant smells like. I can see why Matthew McCounaghey just gave up on the whole thing all together.
Also a couple of months ago when my neighbor came and Mary Kayed me up she was showing me the different products. I was asking her about the moisturizer and cleaning products line that they have targeted for teens. She squinted her eyes, peered into my face and just said, "oh no, you're going to want the anti-aging formula". Anti-aging? Me? What?
Not sure when it happened, but I got old. I know, at twenty six it is not like I am laying on my death bed or anything, but still...I am running out of time to become the person I always thought I would somehow get around to being. I'm not the young mom in the ward anymore. I have a full blown family....soon to be even bigger than it already is. I've got stretchmarks, backaches, a mini-van and I am worried about triglycerides. Lame.
When do you cross the line from every year being excited about getting older to wanting to crawl into a rock at the idea that another year has passed by and you are creeping closer and closer to being a certain age that you distinctly remember thinking was really really old when you were younger. Thi....thir.....thirty. I can't even say it, it's disgraceful.
My mom had me when she was thirty eight and I remember feeling like I had the most ancient mother around (she will, no doubt, agree as I was quite vocal about the whole thing), but really, now I find myself arguing that thirty eight....wow, that's pretty young! You know? Definitely still in the prime of life.
Anyway. I'm getting older. I'm not who I want to be yet and all of the sudden I feel like I am running out of time. When am I going to learn to paint the walls in my house? To spend hours and hours volunteering? To go to Hawaii? And most importantly - to be someone that someone looks up to?
Well, until I can sort this all out I am going to continue wearing Teen Spirit, being the silly one at Young Women's, dancing to the HSM soundtrack and so on. And in the meantime, if you have any good ideas for a fast track to becoming someone really amazing, please let me know.