Am I crazy? Seriously be honest. I can take it.
A couple of months ago Blaine and I had this great idea to go to Utah for Christmas. We wouldn't be needing our vacation days for a while since we would have a little one coming soon, and Blaine had sick time he could use for that. We missed our families last Christmas and with our ever expanding and aging family this might be the last year we actually could make it home.
So it seemed smart. Somewhere along the line though I didn't do the math that I would be leaving when I was 33 weeks pregnant and returning when I was 35 weeks pregnant. I didn't think about how we were leaving 75 dg weather to go to 20 dg weather. Driving across the country with two little ones and a bladder the size of a nickel? Oh baby. I didn't consider that it would snow the entire week before we got there and likely on our drive and that we would have to go through one of the windiest, sheer cliffs on either side of you, canyons in Utah....in our van which we are not used to driving on mountainous and snowy terrain. I didn't count on both kids getting sick a few days before we are supposed to leave. And I must have forgotten the stress that comes with trying to visit two families and make it to all the events and fun things going on without running our kids (and pregnant selves) ragged.
So I've had a weird feeling about going back home lately, and I don't know if it is just my paranoid self being nervous for a long trip....or if it is something I should really pause and consider. Is someone trying to tell me I shouldn't go? Sure it would be disappointing to ourselves and everyone back home if we backed out now, and since I am so dang smart and shipped all of our gifts to Utah we wouldn't have anything to open on Christmas morning; But mama always said, "tis' better to back out than to bare a child on the side of a snowy road on a mountain pass".
Oh and one little bonus; there is talk around Blaine's work that they might be forced to take mandatory vacation in February. Well, Blaine is using all of his vacation right now, so if he is forced to take some in February we will either go negative on vacation days (agh! We've got a cruise coming up in a year folks...a cruise. Remember how I was supposed to be going on one like next month but I got pregnant instead? We're scheduled, and booked, to make up for that Jan 2010)...or we will just not get a paycheck. And I don't know about you all, but buying diapers for two kids is hard to do with no paycheck....not to mention paying the mortgage. Anyway..... (P.S. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, trust me I would rather have to take a mandatory vacation than get laid off!)
What would you do? Am I just being paranoid? Don't worry, part of me, a huge part is so excited. My kids are so dang cute and I want to show them off (Bentley just learned how to fold his arms on command....cuteness!), I want them to be surrounded by the energy and love that comes from a Christmas around lots of family. I want them to build snowmen and eat my sisters candy cane cookies. So what is this nagging feeling about?
P.S. I kind of feel like my blog has gotten too serious lately. Is that driving anyone else crazy?
9 comments:
I LOVE your blog, Fids... I sometimes check twice a day to see if you have said anything new!! THANKS
I don't think you're nuts. Only you know if it's just cold feet or not. Good luck whatever you do. But if you decide to stay then I insist on getting to see you at some point ;)
Because I am super paranoid about dying in a car crash I'd probably stay home. But that's just me and how sad would it be to be family- and gift-less on Christmas morning if you back out?
(my word verification is "reassess." Maybe it's a sign?)
I've gotta tell ya, if we don't go back, I still need the vacation time. Continuing to work now would be like finishing your last final for the semester and then having to hustle over to your first class of the new semester. I've been planning on a break. I need a break. I will have a break!! (But I'm also open-minded, we'll talk if you are serious about this :)
One of my most favorite Christmases was the one where it was just Matthew and I. Seriously, I would do it again, but I can't since I have family that lives around the block, and then another family that lives 15 minutes away! It was the most peaceful, relaxing, wonderful day EVER!!!!! I would totally stay home! BLaine could take 1 or 2 days off (or more if needed!), instead of a longer time, and the mandatory vacation would not be too horrible! I would not like to have a baby while stuck on the side of the road on a snowy mountain! Christmas with just your little family would be a fun time!
Yes, its driving me loony ;) Just kidding. Okay, here's my opinion...its just nerves. I am sure everything will be fine. Remember, blue H means hospital at the next exit. Plus you are only going through that scary canyon for about half an hour, right? Hopefully in that half hour things will go smoothly.
I have absolutely zero mother's intuition. I don't know why but mine is always off. But you've got to trust yourself. If its something nagging that you can't shake then there is your answer. If its just nerves then you should be A-Okay! I was about the same (far along) as you were when I went to CA (flying) and was fine. I was a little uneasy about having a baby on a plane and got nervous, but obviously we know how that story ended. All was well...
Good luck on the decision making process. I hate having to make decisions like this. Merry Christmas either way!
If it was me I'd stay home. But that's because it's me, and there's no stinkin way I'm driving 1500 miles anywhere with kids, much less with pregnancy and snow. You need to decide how much you are actually looking forward to it and go off that. Or if it really is a lingering, nagging feeling that could possibly be the spirit whispering and not just nervousness. Only you can decide that one. And I love you blog, always.
you should go! you will have a great time! btw, the drive wasn't that bad :)
I love that Blaine responds to your posts. And that I'm responding to posts that you wrote forever ago. I'm so behind, though, and needed a Fids Fix.
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