Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sucker punch

Today a wave of homesickness hit me in the gut. Really hard. Came out of nowhere. I think it might stem from the fact that I have SO much I want to learn about right now and the people I want to teach me are all in Utah. Back when I lived there I lacked the resources and desire to learn much from anyone. Now all I really want is to have my own garden and to paint the walls of my house, those are jobs you can't really ask friends to help you with, you gotta have family.

There is also a certain feeling of safety that comes from being around family, parents in particular. Whenever one of our parents come to visit I feel about a hundred pounds of weight lifted off of my shoulders. Not sure why; they don't take over the mortgage or anything crazy like that. Just the simple act of them being here...of knowing that someone more responsible than me is around to turn to. It's very relieving. Sometimes the weight of being responsible for the safety and security of three children is just overwhelming. Knowing that they see me as the brave one, the one that can keep them safe. It's crazy.

It must be weird being the oldest generation around. With no one to turn to to learn from or to rely on if things get tough (to be read: mom, can we come live at your house if the economy keeps going to pot?).

That all being said, we are very much looking forward to Blaine's mom coming to visit in two weeks and for my parents to come in April. I don't know what we are going to do when we stop having a new baby every year...I think it is the new babies that keep the visitors coming.


Marcie said...

awww Fids... although I don't have a family, I do know what it feels like to MISS my family like crazy!!

In my case... I only have me to depend on. Like the time something fell from my shelf and knocked me to the ground... as I layed there I thought "If I died, no one would know until my body started smelling."

Luckily for you, you have a TON of good people surrounding you. And Grandmas will ALWAYS want to see their grandchildren. So- you're good. Just have those paint buckets mixed and the watermelon seeds ready to plant when they get there! Love you Fids!!

Shauna said...

We have a spare bedroom in the basement. Feel free to fill it any time. :)

Liz Applegate said...

Kris, loved the sentiment and I have been there too. I was wondering if you would either cut and copy this to Grandma B or let me send it to her. (I don't like to send other people's stuff without their permission.) I think sometimes she feels like she no one needs her or understands. Love ya tons...Liz

julianne orth said...

i have a rental in price... 2 bedroom 575 a month.... if you get desperate- only two hours from home!
I agree though, justin's sister just moved down here and it has been wonderful having family close again. I miss my parents and i see them at least once a month. it is hard though sometimes when your kids are sick and you just need a little help.

Courtney said...

I feel the same way! When my mom comes I know that I will feel "Safe". I know that my mommy will take care of me and help me with some random project (moving the girls upstairs because we have to make room for #3 and our house is waaay to small!).
Glad we are friends and can understand the void of lack of extended family!

Jan said...

ofcourse you can come live with us the thing is though, the only available room would be the spider infested basement bedroom :), the good news is, we have spiderman come every three months so you should be safe. I have a wonderful Idea, why don't we paint when I come in April?
Sounds fun! I'll bring some grubbies.

Love Mom

Wendy said...

That post brought about so many thoughts to mind. In a nut shell: First, I can relate to your feelings of feeling safe and secure around parents (why do you think I still live a stone's throw from my mother?) Next, I personally love being missed or needed and having you say kind things about how excited you are for your moms to come. It makes me think that somewhere along the way Jan and I did our job as nurturers. I promise I will keep coming even if there is not a new baby because I miss you ALL so much. And last thought, I continue to admire and be in awe at your courage for doing so well living so far from home!