Neverland

The other night I was at Young Women in Excellence and an awesome talk was given by a sister in our ward. I enjoyed it so much and started thinking back and realized I also really enjoyed the talk this same sister gave at stake conference, and also the lesson she had given at enrichment a few weeks earlier. I full blownly admire this sister in our ward. I caught myself thinking, " I want to be like her when I grow up" and then, for the first time in my life, I realized that I AM grown up. And I had a little freak out.

Blaine also pointed out today that my strong desire to remain youthful crossed into absurdity when the last time I went to the store I bought Teen Spirit deodorant. To me, Teen Spirit, is still the epitome of cool. I mean, who doesn't want to smell like "pink crush" you know? I'd rather that than "powder fresh" or whatever old people deodorant smells like. I can see why Matthew McCounaghey just gave up on the whole thing all together.

Also a couple of months ago when my neighbor came and Mary Kayed me up she was showing me the different products. I was asking her about the moisturizer and cleaning products line that they have targeted for teens. She squinted her eyes, peered into my face and just said, "oh no, you're going to want the anti-aging formula". Anti-aging? Me? What?

Not sure when it happened, but I got old. I know, at twenty six it is not like I am laying on my death bed or anything, but still...I am running out of time to become the person I always thought I would somehow get around to being. I'm not the young mom in the ward anymore. I have a full blown family....soon to be even bigger than it already is. I've got stretchmarks, backaches, a mini-van and I am worried about triglycerides. Lame.

When do you cross the line from every year being excited about getting older to wanting to crawl into a rock at the idea that another year has passed by and you are creeping closer and closer to being a certain age that you distinctly remember thinking was really really old when you were younger. Thi....thir.....thirty. I can't even say it, it's disgraceful.

My mom had me when she was thirty eight and I remember feeling like I had the most ancient mother around (she will, no doubt, agree as I was quite vocal about the whole thing), but really, now I find myself arguing that thirty eight....wow, that's pretty young! You know? Definitely still in the prime of life.

Anyway. I'm getting older. I'm not who I want to be yet and all of the sudden I feel like I am running out of time. When am I going to learn to paint the walls in my house? To spend hours and hours volunteering? To go to Hawaii? And most importantly - to be someone that someone looks up to?

Well, until I can sort this all out I am going to continue wearing Teen Spirit, being the silly one at Young Women's, dancing to the HSM soundtrack and so on. And in the meantime, if you have any good ideas for a fast track to becoming someone really amazing, please let me know.

Nostalgia

It's hard to imagine that today is the one year anniversary of this little incident. To celebrate the droll and uneventful nature of Black Friday 2008 we decided to go and visit the botanical gardens at zilker park. It was the perfect day, nice cool breeze beautiful fall leaves, etc. We had an incredible time! Who knew that botanical gardens could be so fun, and so....free! We saw an herb garden, cactus garden, prehistoric garden, green garden, rose garden and best of all an Oriental garden, which was our favorite. There were lots of waterfalls and stone/bamboo bridges, and quaint little stone paths. The very best part were the ponds full of huge gold fish. I am talking HUGE goldfish. Probably there is another name that they are called, but they looked like big gold fish. And they had little stepping stones going around and through the pond that you could walk on. It was terribly fun. Especially for Gwen. Until she fell in the gold fish pond. And so the Black Friday disaster of 08 began. And really that's where it ends, but falling into a pond with fish the size of yourself is pretty traumatic for a four year old!

*Note: these are not my children. I just found this picture on the internet (it is the same area where Gwen fell in though, but unfortunately we did not take our camera, or video camera, on this excursion).

Gratitude

Of course there are many things to be thankful for today. You know all the regulars; family, food, shelter, clothing, religion, and so on. I thought you might to hear something that I was the most grateful for last night at 6:55PM. The girl working at PaPa Murphy's.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me that 6:00PM on the night before Thanksgiving is not the best time to go to the grocery store. I could have gone anytime during that day. Instead I spent a lot of time trying to beat Robin's Word Twist score, and some time cleaning up, etc. Both things that could have been done in the same amount of time later in the evening. However, I made the decision to go to HEB and I had the brilliant idea to stop at Papa Murphy's for a pizza to take home for dinner.

I think I wound up parking further away from the store than it would have been if I would have just walked from my house. That presented a problem since I had to hold Bentley in one arm and hold Gwen's hand in the other. Not only did it leave no hands available to carry my reusable grocery bags (one of which is my makeshift purse ever since "the incident" which involved applesauce and an explosion in my previous diaper bag), but I was also parked so far away that there were no carts in site.

Anyway I exacerbatedly huffed and puffed my way towards the store and stopped in Papa Murphy's. The time was 6:20PM. I ordered my pizza and asked if I could just pick it up when I was done shopping; she said yes but as I was leaving out the door she hollered, "oh be sure you're back by 7:00PM because that's when we close". Awesome. I was banking on standing in line for an hour based on the sheer number of cars in the parking lot.

Amazingly enough I survived the store. I was nearly annihilated in the dessert aisle (who knew chocolate pudding was such a hot commodity for Thanksgiving!), when I had to do a u-turn in my cart....there were about fifty really angry people ready to mob me when I pulled that little number! I finally made my way back to Papa Murphy's and stewed about leaving my groceries and children (now I had a cart, a very full cart) while I went in to get my pizza. Otherwise I would have to unload the kids, and leave my precious Thanksgiving fare outside where it could get snitched.

And just as an aside, it is never a good idea, but particularly when you are pregnant, to think before you go to the store, "Oh, I don't want to go the restroom now, I bet if I have to go it will help me to be fast in the store. Surely I will make it back in time". Anyway. Yeah.

The girl who had taken my order spotted me outside and brought me my pizza. It was a small thing to do. She probably thought nothing of it. But it meant a lot to me! Seriously I was singing her praises all night long.

You should really do nice things for pregnant people or people who have lots of kids, or even just people who look like they really need to go to the bathroom and still have a six mile walk till they get to their car.

Thank you Papa Murphy's employee. You're a rockstar.

Hardy har har

Gwen: Mom, do you have a twentysixhead?

Me: A twentysixhead? Uh, I don't think so.

Gwen: Yes you do because I have a forehead, because I am four. For year old heads are called foreheads, so you have a twentysixhead.


Nice.

My name is Kristi

and I am a recovering sodapopaholic. It's been about one month since my last drink. With only three little "incidents" that I think were totally justifiable (#1- I was at a party and they had a slushy sherbety gingerale-y kind of thing and I didn't even associate that with pop until I had had a couple glasses. Whoops. #2- a few innocent sips of Gwen's sprite one night while out to dinner and #3 the day I took the dogs to the vet I stopped at Sonic and got an extra large cherry coke. Don't ask). But really coming from someone who used to stop at Happy hour at sonic about three or four times a week.... it's really kind of saying something. And I went to enrichment and they had free Dr. Pepper there. And we went to Sheyenne's house and she had ice cold Pepsi there. And, so many times I have held so strong. Go ahead. Tell me how awesome I am. Or not. Whatever, but I am a teeny bit proud of myself! Oh yeah.

P.S. I can't wait for our drive to Utah because the one "exception" to the "no pop" rule is on long car trips, as in longer than five hours. So, that will be fun ; )

Cruel and unusual

Last night Blaine and I were sitting and talking on the couch. Then out of the corner of my eye I noticed a monstrous dark mysterious thing over on the kitchen wall. I thought it was probably a killer tarantula or something. I walked over to find out it was a wasp. Seriously, aren't they all supposed to be dead by now or hibernating or just....elsewhere? (speaking of, I should do an entire post about "things that can sting" in Texas, did you know there are like seven hundred types of wasps and all of them are indigenous to Austin, TX? Seriously. Red wasps and black wasps are huge and mean and scarier than anything anyone who has lived in Utah has ever seen. Swear.)

So my valiant husband went on a wasp hunt. It took about five minutes of chasing it and swatting at it and girlish screams (I'm not saying whether they came from me or him), but finally the darn thing wound up in the sink, we turned on the water and the disposal and that was that. Except that wasn't that. Blaine felt so guilty killing it in such a ruthless way since it never did anything to us. Seriously? And then he went off on some kick about how the disposaled wasp would be waiting to torture him when he died and that made him nervous. Really nervous.

And that is when I reminded him that he sprayed pest control for a living for two years (or was it three?). And then we tried to grasp the sheer number of bees, wasps, and other creepy crawly things that would be waiting for him.

And for the first time I thought, maybe it's okay if we don't die at like the exact same second. Maybe Blaine needs like a ten minute head start. Because, ewwwwwwwwww.

What color hair does the milkman have?

Do you ever say something and then pause and then realize what you said came out totally different from what you meant.

Say you were talking to your neighbor about your sons abnormally large head. He happens to mention that he also has a large head. So you say something to the effect of, "Yeah, I should just tell the doctor....look, his sister has a big head she is fine, I have a big head and I'm fine, and the guy across the street has a big head too and he's fine. " and then you stop and think. Then you realize the implications of what you just said. And you don't know if it is better to acknowledge that the words came out horribly wrong or to just simply walk away and pretend you didn't notice what you said.

Blaine has a really big head, for what it's worth. And I am faithful and true to that big noggin.

You've been waiting.

You've been waiting for a funny post, I can understand it and appreciate. All you get for your waiting though are shameless ebates plugs and now me presenting you with my current dilemma. Sorry about that. So, all I want for Christmas is new bedding. Love my bed, hate the bedding, my quilt like doesn't even cover the whole top of the bed and looks really silly. So I've been stewing about it. Should I do a duvet? I don't even really get what that is. So it's just like a cover that you stick a comforter in but it's cool because you can wash it, right? Do I just do a plain old comforter? Quilt? I'm at a total loss. Keep in mind I live in Texas, the land of 150 days straight of temperatures over 100. What's the best choice for that?

I've been looking at this little number
in the chocolate brown. I have chocolate brown curtains and light light brown paint in my bedroom. No actual headboard color to worry about. Gotta save my pennies for that one for a while.

What do you think? What do you have on your bed? Where did you get it? Do you like it?

Also. Bentley is getting a CT scan today. Merry Christmas Bentley. And I hope that it all goes well.

And also our garage door broke. Who plans for expenses like that? $700 for a new garage? I'll just park outside thank you very much.

It's that time again...

The time when I casually remind you that if you haven't signed up for ebates, you are missing out on one of the best things ever. I just got a check for $44 for simply helping a good friend book a hotel on priceline and other misc. purchases I made online. Hello, that's 44 frostys. It's an especially wise idea today because you would get $10 just for signing up and I would get $15, and that would make me like you even more than I already do.
Also it is an EXTRA good idea today because www.restaurant.com is having an 80% off sale, with the coupon code "surprise". And if you click on restuarant.com from ebates you get 15% cash back (not to mention the $10 for signing up). So really you can get a $25 gift cirtificate today for $2 with the coupon code, plus you are getting 15% back, so that is $ 0.30, so really it's only $1.70. Hello Christmas shopping. Then if you count the free $10, then it is like they are paying YOU $8.30. Tis the season folks. Tis the season.

SIGN UP HERE
Now, I've used up my shameless plug for this quarter. See you next time!

Hypothetical...

So, say you're at the grocery store. It was hard to get there, what with the children and all, but you finally made it. You didn't take a list, because you're an idiot, but you're pretty sure you have everything you need to make some good meals for your meal deprived family (Cheerios, anyone?). So you are at the cash register loading your groceries onto the conveyor belt and as you lift your bag of bakery fresh rolls they all tumble out onto the floor. The Wal-Mart floor.

Do you

1- stick them on top of the candybars and pretend they're not yours.

2- buy them and throw them away later, it's not like you can just wash them off. You can't wash bread you know.

3- buy them and eat them later, because really, it's not like you are going to make it to the store again today before you make your french dip sandwiches and that roast in the fridge isn't getting any younger.

4- pretend you don't notice and carry on, leaving the rolls on the floor

5- give them to the cashier and ask for him to have someone get you new ones.


I know this may not be a dilemma to some of you, but just perchance it ever comes up, I am curious what you would do.

I bought the rolls and now am in a raging moral debate about if I can still use them. Logic tells me I shouldn't but my craving for AuJus sandwiches tells me I can suck it up and deal with it. Thirty second rule, right?

Thanks and Whoops

Dear Person Who Left a Big Bag of Cute Clothes on my Doorstep:

Thank you. You're awesome. Seriously. Wish I knew who you were.

Warmest Regards,
Kristi (and Bentley)




So, I chopped off Gwen's hair today. YIKES!

The names blonde, really blonde......

So a long time ago in the midst of a little quarter life crisis I submitted my picture to www.hairthursday.com. It was a while ago, but I finally got posted and she thinks I should look like one of these people (but younger, obviously) (and I should probably not wear such revealing dresses). So, go to hairthursday.com and vote, or you could just tell me. She didn't really make it clear whether or not she thought the style would look good on me or just the color. Either way, I guess I have always been wrong thinking I look better with darker hair eh?




Oh and um, don't you think I chose the best picture of me ever to submit. "oily at the roots". Pssh. Whatever. Bentley hadn't slept in like six months and I probably hadn't showered in six days. I wanted to look extra desperate so she would feel obligated to save me : )

I love MAM

I just got my new issue of Mormon Artist Magazine.....what? You've never heard of it? Well....check out this article!

Deafening

Remember how the blog all started? You may have noticed an absence of posts from my blog for the last couple of weeks, and most of it has to do with the fact that I am not as well humored as I was when I started the blog over a year ago. I pride myself in not taking myself too seriously. I like to laugh at the stupid things that I do , and pride myself in being able to find the funny in even the most trying of circumstances. And that, my friends, is why I haven't written a blog post. I can't find the funny.... I can tell that it would be funny but I think the hormones of pregnancy are messing with whatever part of my brain thinks public humiliation is funny.

It all started with my most recent run in with the law. The children and I were napping and someone rang the doorbell. Since I think people who ring the doorbell when they know you have napping age children should have their eyebrows plucked hair by hair, I was upset. So I didn't answer the door. Figured it was just a neighbor kid. So Blaine comes home a couple of hours later and as he enters the door asks... "um, did someone ring the doorbell at like 3 o'clock" to which I responded, "yeah, dang neighbors". To which he replied with a nervous chuckle, "try dang POLICEMAN". Yabbity whobity whatty? Police? So I am thinking maybe they want to ask me about suspicious characters seen traipsing about the neighborhood or something. Nope. They were coming to give me a $500 fine because me dogs were barking. In the middle of the day. Whilst I was hosting a visiting teaching lunch.

Have I mentioned that I have this lovely saying crocheted and hanging above my fireplace...


Need another example? I volunteered to decorate some cupcakes for our neighborhood HOA party the day prior to the aforementioned run in with the law. Blaine and I stayed up late and made some cool looking cupcakes (I use the word "cool" very loosely here). When we finally finished, near midnight, I packed up all of the supplies and put them in a grocery bag on my table. My friend came to pick them up the next day......and lo and behold, I guess the BLACK food coloring lid wasn't on tight because now my table looks like this....


Luckily after like a thousand attempts to get it off it's green instead of black, right? Hmm. I love how I do stuff like this when my mother-in-law is about to visit (you all remember the door, right?). Anyway, so I have two cases in which charity will faileth you. (Don't think I am a sacrilege, I know that overall in the giant scheme of things a charitable attitude is the way to go----someone want to donate a nice big kitchen table to me?)

So those incidents were fresh on my mind the other day when I took the numbskulls to get their shots. The numbskull dogs, not my children, still love them ; ). Since they chew through their leashes half the time and the other half run so hard against me that their leashes just break apart....I only had one leash, which had been broken and tied back together two times, with which to take them to the vet. I gathered up my courage and happy attitude and sang praises to my van on the whole thirty minute drive to the vet. I had both children, the sun was shining. Life was great.

So I get Bentley in the stroller, grab Gwen by one hand and had both dogs attached helter skelter to one leash. As I approach the vets door Swiper pulls a fast one on me and runs out onto the highway. Nice. Which leaves me with one dog on a leash trying his darndest to follow his brother and two children who will be squished by the door if I let go. And a big fat huge pregnant belly, which just complicates things and makes me look like a woman who has bitten off WAY more than she can chew. Some nice old lady attempts to come help me at which point Boots jumps into protective dog mode and like tries to attack her. I finally push my children to her and run and catch my dog...just in time for Boots to snap free. "Everyone look at that pregnant lady chase her two dogs! Someone get a video camera". I finally round them up and of course there are like a megazillion humongous dogs sitting in the vets office, so my dogs are on the defensive and bark their heads off. Nonstop. I try to smile and crack jokes, but it gets harder as people scoot away from me and roll their eyes and whisper to the person next to them all too loudly.

I wanted to stand up on the bench and shout "I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!" I know I am pregnant and that I have no control over anything or anyone in my life, but quit making me feel bad. I am excited about the baby and I already love her but man I HATE the looks people give me just for being pregnant with two little ones in tow. I can't blame the people who gave me weird looks for having two children and two dogs. My kids though, are really really well behaved. They were playing and laughing at the vets office, even making me smile, but others were just annoyed at my presence.

Anyway, TWO hours later. Not kidding. They called me back. Two full hours of barking. Back in the tiny waiting room the dogs stopped barking and started pooping. And Bentley decided it was his nap time so commenced screaming his head off. We were covered in dog hair since Gwen thought it was a good idea to lay on the floor of the vets office. I finally calmed Bentley down with a sucker, which he stuck IN HIS HAIR. And thirty minutes later the tears just started to flow. Screaming kids, barking pooping dogs, fatigue. I wanted to just leave and go back to junior high, eat a hostess cupcake and hop in bed and have someone take care of me. Then the vet walked in..."oh boy looks like you have your hands full today, can I give them a sucker"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NO YOU CANNOT GIVE THEM A SUCKER"
"really they can have one" he chortled
"They've had ten thousand suckers since we have been here three hours and they are sticking them in their hair and dropping them on your dog hair covered floor and then eating them again. Give my dogs their shots and let me leave!"

SCREAM

I think the main problem was that I was really worried about Blaine. See he went to the doctors like two weeks ago for a physical. They said that they would call if there was anything to worry about, but to just expect a letter if everything was fine. Weeks passed and finally I had gotten a letter. It sat on the counter for a couple of days and I had opened it just before leaving for the vet. "URGENT, we have been trying to contact you! Please call our office immediately". Oh. My. Gosh. Blaine is going to die! And he is going to leave me with three children and two dogs. I was pretty sure Blaine was going to be diagnosed with some rare disease and they wouldn't talk to me over the phone so Blaine had to actually call in and he was in classes all day and....

SCREAM.

Turns out he has high triglycerides. It makes you feel fantastic when your one job in life is to feed your family and it turns out you are killing them by feeding them too much fat.

Could not find the funny folks. So I apologize for lack of blog posting. I really didn't want to write this unfunny, poor poor me post. I know things could be worse. I really do. And I think that is why I feel so guilty feeling like I had a bad week, or day even, because really I have a great life. So I should be able to find the funny. And I will. I will find the funny and I will post about it later. I just wanted to explain my absence.

You know what is extra sad? We ran into the Wilkinson family (who has quintuplets) on Halloween and I totally wanted a picture of them with Bentley, so I asked and Rachel (the mom) was so nice and then we talked for a minute and I actually, sit down, found myself complaining to the mother of quintuplets. Are you kidding me? Wow.


And shush, I know it's a weird costume, but it was $2 at a garage sale. Zip it.

Anyway, funny blog post coming. I will find the funny. That's my new motto.