A day in my life - or; Why one should never wash their car, dogs or children

When I woke up this morning the week was stretched out before me. A blank slate destined to be filled with things like cleaning, yick. That's not okay. So in an attempt to avoid any real work I was in a frenzy to fill my calendar with more fun and fulfilling things. So I called Ralphie to see what she had going on and we scheduled lunch at a nearby park, perfect!

Since I had two hours until the lunch I decided it wouldn't kill me to run at least one errand before hand. Why I choose the errand of taking the dogs to the vet for their 12 week shots, I will never know (it probably has something to do with the fact that they are really like 20 weeks but it has been so rainy that I haven't dared make the trip to the vet).

So I rounded up the posse and got them all in the car. Boots and Swiper, in their limited experience on this earth, found the car a most horrifying place to be (little did they know what they had coming). They decided to howl-- not bark or whine-- but howl, coyote style, all the way to the vet. Not a big deal if your vet is nearby, ours is in the podunk town of Taylor, a good 20 minute drive.

Once we got into the vet they went crazy. They were barking and yelping and being exceptionally crazy. After a little wait (which seemed like a long wait with the constant barking going on) it was our turn. The shots and everything went fine. The vet even clipped their nails and they acted like it was no big deal (to realize the miracle of this please see the first post of my blog).

The drive home was filled with more howling, accompanied by Gwen's crying because the dogs chewed up her juice box. I noticed the time-- I was supposed to meet Ralphie in 20 minutes, which is exactly how long it would take me to get there, assuming I didn't stop to drop of the dogs and make lunch. We decided it might be worth a try to take the dogs to the park, so we stopped at Sonic, got our lunch, and we were only 15 minutes late.

The playdate was fun, particularly after the dogs stopped barking at every person, other dog, and blade of grass that they saw. It was sweltering hot but the park was shady, so if you avoided sunshine things were okay. We went for a fun little walk and it seemed as though the chaotic part of my day was over. . . not so. It was getting to be time to go and we sent Ralphie and company off with a friendly wave and smile. It took me about seven more minutes to get the gumption to get off my duff and walk to the car (it was a good fifty feet away and sitting in direct sunlight, ouch!).

Gwen all the sudden ran away from me. I called for her to stop, I begged her to stop, I screamed like a maniac for her to please stop. She just giggled and ran faster. This, of course, prompted the dogs into chase mode, and I was tied to them, so the three of us went flying after her. She was headed towards the lake. "Surely she has enough brains to not jump into the lake" I assure myself. Just then as we were getting closer to her she slides on the mud and face plants it into the muddy embankment of the lake. Before my body can stop the momentum of me and two dogs, the dogs were sloshing around in the mud and lake. Gwenie tried to stand up, only to fall and slip on her back side. Seriously covered head to toe, front and back in mud. Not only her, but eight little paws and two furry tummies were also coated in mud. I lost it.

I remember being a young mom with a happy little baby and seeing other moms at the park who seemed so stressed out. I would think, lady cool it! You are at the park to have fun, why yell at your children and lose your temper? Just chill. Have fun. Relax. I apologize to all of those women. The second time that Gwen fell in the mud I couldn't help but exclaim, "Why! Why don't you listen? Why do you run and fall in mud. Why can't you just STAY BY ME!!!". Ahhhhhhh.

My car, which is always messy on the inside, was actually clean on the inside (thanks Jiffy Lube). How was I supposed to get three muddy creatures home without destroying the interior of the car. Gross. I stripped Gwen down to her diaper and did my best with a cheap baby wipe. Swiper and Boots were hopeless.

I guess I learned a lot of lessons today.

Lesson #1: There is no point in bathing children or puppies, and definitely no point in cleaning your car (or yourself) if you have children or puppies. Just go swimming every couple of days.

Lesson #2: Don't judge other mothers, you don't know what is going on. Instead you should give them gifts like money or flowers or a certificate to go and get a back massage. Yes, that is a better idea.

Lesson #3: Always have a friend with you at the park which will help you refrain from yelling at your child, if your friend leaves you must also leave, immediately.

Lesson #4: I need to work on being more patient!

Don't worry, now that the heat of the moment is past I can see the humor of it all. Of course it would have been more fun to stand by and watch the pregnant woman, two puppies and toddler romp around in the mud pit from a distance, but being involved in the action wasn't so bad.