Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Even things that are still, are still changing. . . .

Well folks, the seatbelt is fastened, I have climbed to the top of the tower and there is nothing I can do now to stop the ride before I go crashing down the hill and through the corkscrew turns and loops and ups and downs. For all of my complaining I am finally close enough to having the baby that the time is going by fast and I can't figure out why I didn't spend my time cleaning and organizing instead of complaining the last nine months.


It is really interesting how similar I feel now to how I did right before Gwen was born. Before Gwen was born I started realizing that it was my last few days in all of ETERNITY that I would not be a mother, it was a weird feeling and as excited as I was for a new chapter in life, I was a little sad to kiss my previous life goodbye. I figured it might be a little different this go around because we already have a kid, I am already a stay-at-home mom, what's the difference adding one more to the brood? But there is a difference. For the last three years it has been Blaine, Gwen and I. We've moved across the country together (um, five times!), we've really grown a lot and shared a lot of laughs and tears. We have our little traditions and family jokes. I know we will still have things like that, but it will never be the same dynamic that we currently have. Gwen, or any of our other kids for that matter, will never get as much attention as she has the last three years. She is going to be sharing the show. Don't get me wrong though, I am sure that "the more the merrier" holds true as far as having kids. Maybe not while they are little, but at least hopefully when it comes time for them to pool their money together to put Blaine and I in a nice retirement home :).

It just feels weird to know that the days of it being just the three of us are dwindling down. For all I know I could go into labor tonight and I would have spent my last day with just Gwen and I without even realizing or appreciating it.

Still searching for a name. . . .

6 comments:

Julie said...

Fiddle...I totally understand where you're coming from. I was induced with Katie and the night before, we took Cameron to my mom's to spend the night. As we were leaving him, I bawled forever. I was terrified that I wasn't going to love the baby as much as I love Cameron and that I wasn't going to be able to give Cameron the love and attention he needed. I just try to do things special with Cameron and he seems to be doing okay. He still loves me, even though I'm splitting my attention. You'll be just fine and everything will be okay. Good luck! And good luck with a name!!!

Gretchen said...

I remember worrying about all those things, but then I saw Claire and Scott play together for the first time, it was all forgotten. Now when I see the two of them cracking up together, I wonder how Claire ever got by being an "only child."

Ralphie said...

Ooh ooh, I've got a good one. What about Borus? Eh eh?

Melissa Ash said...

You have such a beautiful way of writing. I can feel the anxiety you are feeling, etc. I am sure it is going to be different, (how could it not be?) but I bet it will be a Wonderful difference! Good luck!

Blaine said...

Great post, babe. The more the merrier also is true when it comes to our tax return, them picking out birthday and Christmas presents for us, and making job charts to make THEM do the dishes and such...

Laurie said...

I remember two weeks after Kate was born it hit me. I was driving down Center St. and started bawling for not appreciating my last days with just Anna. Live it up!
Everyone is right though. Once your new one is here, he'll fit right in and you'll wonder how you ever made it without him.
Skyler, Gavin, Caleb, Marcus.... or Charlie!