Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Fair play

I think my ridiculous fear of bugs began back when I was a child and my mom told me that spiders drink out of our eyes in our sleep. It's true. My own mother told me this when I was like six. And she wonders why I would sneak into her bed in the middle of the night when I had nightmares.

There was one time when I was a kid that I saw a big fat bumblebee in our house; so I did what any other seven year old would do and screamed at the top of my lungs as I ran and jumped up onto a chair (not sure the logic there seeing as how bees can, well, fly). Since I was screaming bloody murder my mom came running around the corner to see what was wrong with me and in the process stepped right on the bumblebee and got stung. Right on the bottom of her foot.

She's still a little upset about that I think.

She swore that something like that would happen to me when I was a mother. So as I sat at the kitchen table yesterday enjoying a nice afternoon breeze (yes, in February we can open our doors and windows and let the warm, sunny breeze drift through our houses), I noticed something big fly inside, great. As it flew closer and closer to my innocent sleeping newborn I jumped into attack position. The thing is, I am STILL deathly afraid of any and all insects, especially ones in Texas. I thought about calling Ralphie but knew she would just laugh at me. Then I thought about trying to see if Gwen could kill it.

Finally the darn bee was getting too close to Ivy for comfort (is this my punishment for naming my daughter the name of a plant?), so I sprang to action, grabbed the nearest coloring book and went hog wild. I couldn't help but notice that I had no shoes on and that my mothers sting might finally be avenged. The bee flew off upstairs, so I had to chase it. I found a near empty can of ant killer spray, and figured that might do the trick. I chased the bee, spraying all the while. Finally we were in the kids bathroom and it was on the big chance. The thing was going to be ticked if I didn't do it quick and accurately. So I aimed and shot spray left. None. So, my survival skills kicked in and a grabbed Gwen's conditioner and drowned the little bugger right there on the windowsill. Then I ran like a baby out of the bathroom and stuck a towel in the door crevice just to be sure that if the bee wasn't really dead it wouldn't be able to get out and attack me. Whew.

Now I just have a big mess to clean up, but I keep waiting because I want to be sure that thing is good and dead and hasn't built some sort of fort in the conditioner and is waiting for me. Ewww.

I used to kill spiders with hairspray all the time, it was quite effective, but I am not sure about this whole conditioner thing. Pretty messy.

Anyway, all is fair in love and war right?


TheMoncurs said...

This might be a stupid question, but why didn't you just smash it with the conditioner bottle? Was drowning a necessity?

TheMoncurs said...

I'm totally cracking up, by the way.

Kristi said...

Clarification for Kayla and others. I didn't smash the bee because he was up in the windowsill crack thing, making smashing virtually impossible. Also, I couldn't really see him as I was standing precariously on the edge of the tub on my tippy toes to try to even reach the sill. Trying to smash him would have been a death trap.

Vee said...

Woah Bear!

Karina said...

I hope Blaine is sensitive to your phobia because, although Steve is very sensitive, he hates my bug phobia.

I'm particularly sensitive right now because we're planting a garden. Ewww, I just got the chills.

Jeff'n'Joylyn said...

ha ha ha! I can just see you during this whole episode :D Don't worry, I look just as silly and do the same kinds of things when I find bugs. Mostly spiders though. Have you ever used the Hot Shot Spider killer spray? It's redsidual and kills off some other bugs too. Jeff and I use it in the early spring and late summer, and we haven't had ANY spiders in our house since. Actually we've yet to find ANY bug in our house since other than fruit flies. Missed you on Saturday :) Love you!