Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Final Words

Blaine had a lesson in EQ on Sunday and it started out with the teacher asking them to write in 25 words what could be their final letter to their family. Then he sat down and gave them ten minutes to write. I've been mulling this over and contemplating the probability of me kicking the bucket during childbirth. This morning after my morning "run" (that's really funny if you know that by "run" I mean "run to the restroom"), I was waxing philosophical and trying to do this same exercise. You know, just in case.

Here's what I came up with

"New temple dress for burial. Hate zipper, Ralphie choose.
Remarry someone loves kids same as me, fat chance.
Closed casket. Big zit.
Love y'all tons."

What can be taken from this?

Y'all is a very useful word if you are limited in your writing. My priorities are all selfish. I really really don't like my temple dress (it takes like a hundred volunteers in the dressing room to help me zip up that baby...and no it's not because I am fat, it's like that when I am oober skinny to --you know like when I first got married and stuff).

So of course I was feeling particularly selfish after I wrote this. And kind of like a caveman in my manner of speaking. So I had to wake up Blaine to tell him in person my requests so I could free up some of my 25 words to dote more on my children and husband in the event of my death.

Blaine's was really sweet though, and more well thought out. But he likes his temple shirt and has no big nose zit, and doesn't have to worry about me getting remarried, so cut me some slack : )

I also let him know to end my blog with a simple post. One that just read

"The heartburn. The heartburn."

Ten points if you can name the book that alludes to. Another ten if can write a really good essay about it for your AP English test even though you didn't understand the book. At all. Or even the cliffnotes. At all.

The heartburn. The heartburn.

12 comments:

JoAnna said...

Dangit! i have no idea!!
BUT! You are freaking hilarious!! This has GOT to be the best post ever and that's saying something here!

Corbett Family said...

Heart of Darkness. "The horror, the horror." I like comparing that to heartburn--I can totally relate!

Emily said...

I don't know about The Heartburn but I do know that just because Blaine doesn't have a zit at this exact moment doesn't mean he never will. He might want to take that into consideration...

Gretchen said...

I'm sorry if I got you thinking about you dying and your husband getting remarried. You can beat me later.

If Ralphie can't find the right dress for you, tell her she can ask me to sew one for you. Hey, since you'll probably pull through, maybe that can be our sewing project together! ;)

Joe(y) Speredon said...

Can't believe I was banned from reading the previous post but I'm glad I'm recognized as a faithful reader. I expect a post on LA regarding child birth and the "Pros and Cons" of it's awesomeness.

Janssen said...

Jodi totally beat me to the punch, but I knew it too. Thank you, AP English.

McCulloch Family said...

Great. Now I'm trying to come up with 25 words. I would imagine it would be some kind of list of instructions if I know myself at all :)

I'll gladly donate my dress to the cause! Mine is perfect for a closed casket.

TK said...

Funniest. Post. Ever. Perfectly written and great premise. How are you not a professional writer? You have a lot of smart friends (who are also a lot faster than me at responding to your posts). I swear I knew Heart of Darkness instantly!

Allisun said...

Kristi,
You are great! Thanks for the laugh. I think I was supposed to read that book for AP English too, but I didn't remember that. Thanks for the reminder. I'll be thinking about you this week as you are getting ready for delivery. Good luck!!

haley said...

I am laughing. So hard. Good luck with your labor. I hope it all goes well!

Stefanie Miller said...

Kris, I knew it was Heart of Darkness too before I read all these posts! And yes, ditto to everything everyone said about how funny and awesome you are.

Melinda said...

Yo. Jeannie's little sis here- you are hilarious. But, really, thank you *NOT*- I totally peed myself while reading this. You start out all serious and then BAM! hit us where it hurts. Ok, off to change my clothes. All the best tomorrow!!! We will be thinking of you!!! Um, also, Jean isn't kidding about the whole closed-casket-perfectness of her dress....just sayin'...